Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Makin’ Baby

This baby is made of pineapple.

The Big O was made of canned pineapple. When I was pregnant with him, I ate so much canned pineapple. I liked it before the pregnancy, sure, but during pregnancy I craved-craved-craved it; I devoured it; I ate as much as I possibly could. It's amazing the Big O turned out as healthy as he did--being made entirely of pineapple can't be quite what the angels intended, though I suppose it's better than pickles and ice cream.

I remember one time when we were purchasing large quantities of Geisha Pineapple (my favorite brand) at the Macey's in Provo.
    The bagger: "So, you like pineapple?"
    Me: "Yep, I LOVE it!"
    The bagger: "I like it too, but man . . . did you leave any on the shelf?!"
He was completely justified in making this comment. It was a lot of pineapple.

At any rate, it worked. The Baby-Making Pineapple Diet made a delightful ball of gooing fat which has grown into a delightful toddler who can make with a toilet. No doubt even the Teenager-Born-of-Pineapple will spend his Saturdays washing our cars and doing our laundry. Pineapple is the secret to successful parenting.

And I suppose Big O's pineapple make-up explains why he likes pineapple so much. (Although he prefers fresh. The elitist. The snob. The Pineapple Snootypants. Never create a child using only one ingredient! At least remember the snakes and snails and puppydog tails!)

As for the current alien developing within me, it has thus far been composed mostly of applesauce. For most of this first trimester, my primary nutrition source has been applesauce. Applesauce for breakfast, applesauce for lunch, applesauce for dinner, and an applesauce chaser to send me to bed.

Although now, at the time of this writing, I am no longer eating applesause because I'm sick-sick-sick of it and it now makes my stomach feel worse--not to mention it has started hurting my teeth.

The apples are rising up against me.

So now I am curious what foodstuffs the rest of the baby will be made of. And whether they will prove successful as baby parts--as was my beloved pineapple.

Good for what ails you. If what ails you is reproduction.


Blogger FoxyJ said...

S-Boogie is made of peanut butter and ice cream. Sometimes in combination, sometimes seperately. With Little Dude I was all about canned peaches and oatmeal (also sometimes together, but I usually ate the peaches with yogurt). I guess I got more healthy the second time around.

Thursday, December 14, 2006 8:34:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

You are lucky to have such healthy cravings! My belly-dweller has been living off of gingerbread cookies for the past 6 months and by the kicks I'm getting, he/she doesn't seem to happy about it...

Friday, December 15, 2006 11:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He is a cute pineapple baby. And your next baby will be cute too.

Are you going to find out the baby's sex next month, or are you waiting to find out?

Saturday, December 16, 2006 5:44:00 PM  
Anonymous The Editor said...

That is one beautiful pineapple photo. Pineapples are exotic, beautiful things. I buy them just for decoration, from the Farmer's Market, where I can pick 'em up for 2 bucks apiece. Center them in a fresh pine wreath on the table and you have a lush centerpiece. Put one on each end of a fireplace mantle and you've made a welcoming statement. Of course few of my fam want to actually EAT them, so when they start filling the rooom with a dull, fermented scent, they are sent packing. But what a luscious contribution they've made by then!

Monday, December 18, 2006 8:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lola was created with string cheese, green olives, and non-alcoholic beer. Also many cake donuts. This explains a lot, I think.

Friday, December 22, 2006 6:21:00 PM  

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